Pearphone Autocorrects
by Fight4JadeWest
Summary: The characters try to text each other...and fail miserably. Warning: Some swearing and sexual references.
1. Worthless Mugshot

**A/N: Hai! Remember me? I doubt it. I`ve been gone a while. Sorry! Anyways, my friend and I started writing these a while ago and I figured it might be interesting to post. Oh and make sure to check out her profile. He username is Luna Miste. She wrote this one. **

**;D**

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Trina: Just saw Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone!

Tori: Isnt that movie like 10 years old?

Trina: I am a wizard!

Tori: ...

Trina: Bow down to me worthless mugshot!

Tori: ?

Trina: *mudworm

Trina: *mudroom

Trina: *lamps

Tori: ?

Trina: *muggle YES I GOT IT I AM THE BEST EVER!

Tori: at least I know how to spell...

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**A/N: I have a couple more of these to post. You can look forward to at least four more! That is, if you liked it. Know how you can tell me? See that neat little review box down there? Just say it right there and hit send/submit (Whatever it says). **

**I also have a few new stories and a couple updates. I`ve really been slacking off!**


	2. Autocorrect is the Parthenon

**Disclaimer: Did I do a disclaimer last chapter? Hm... Anyways, I don't own Victorious. **

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Cat: Hi Jadeyy!

Jade: What!

Cat: Come overrr! I wanna play pirates!

Jade: Get someone else 2 do it. I have 2 clean my sex toys.

Cat: That's yucky, Jade.

Jade: I meant scissors. Don't b a perv.

Cat: But I didn't say it!

Jade: Ur rite. Autocorrect is the Parthenon.

Cat: ?

Jade: *Perv. This conversation is offhand

Jade: *Over. DANG IT!

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**A/N: This is one of the ones I wrote. I'm such a Parthenon.**


	3. 1 Erection

**Disclaimer: Do I really have to keep doing these? By the third chapter, you guys should all already know that I don't own Victorious.**

**A/N: This is another pervy one I wrote.**

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André: Did u finish editing r scipt for Gradstein's class?

Robbie: Not yet.

Robbie: I've only had one erection so far.

André: Uh... U might wanna get that checked out.

Robbie: NOOO! I meant correction! I've only had one CORRECTION!

André: ...

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**A/N: It's like, midnight or something. I'll keep this short and sweet. Please review cuz I'll love you forever.**


	4. Molester Your ExBoobies

**A/N: It seems like you guys are liking these. Here's one my friend wrote.**

**:D**

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Cat: Maybe I could dye my hair blonde...

Robbie: Will you stop that?

Cat: What?

Robbie: You just want to be blonde so you can marry your ex-boobies!

Cat: But I don't have any ex-boobies...

Robbie: I meant boyfriend! You just want to be blonde so you can molester your ex-boyfriend!

Cat: You think I'm a child molester?

Robbie: NOOO! I SAID MARRY! You just want to be blonde so you can molester your ex-boobies!

Cat: You're being weirder than my brother.

Robbie: What the crap? I'm going to chisel this phone down the toilet!

Robbie: I MEANT CHUCK! ARGH!

Cat: I SHOULD dye my hair blonde.

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**A/N: This happens to be my favorite. Review please. You know how much we love that!**


	5. Can't Wait

**Disclaimer: I keep forgetting disclaimers. This is the last time for this story. I do not own Victorious. Never have, never will.**

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Tori: Hey, u comin tonite?

Beck: Youre wet. Cant wait.

Tori: How do you kno! And what do u mean, you cant wait? It aint for u!

Beck: Ew. I meant "you bet."

Tori: Oh. Well so did I.

Beck: Uh huh.

Tori: bye.

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**A/N: This was another one from me. Don't worry, I've got another, non-pervy one to post later. :)**


	6. Wrapped in Guadalupe

**A/N: I just thought of this like, ten seconds ago!**

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Beck: Hey. Can u come help me build sets for the show?

André: Cant. Sorry. I sprained my hand. Its all wrapped in Guadalupe.

Beck: Do I want to kno?

André: Aw crap! I meant gauze. Dumb photograph!

Beck: What am I missing here?

André: *Phone.

Beck: Can u help me or not?

André: No!

**A/N: This was less gross. Haha. First fifty reviewers get a free snail! **

**(Well, you see I have a sort of, erm, infestation of them in my fish tank.) They're harmless. I promise. They eat algae and stuff. I bet no one will review now. Nobody wants my cute baby snails...**


	7. Sikowitz from a Can

**A/N: I have two more from my lovely and talented friend, Luna Miste! I'll post the other one in a minute.**

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Jade: So, you have a cooking show now, right?

Beck: Yeah.

Jade: What do you make?

Beck: Well, on my last show, I made a few things, like crap and monstering, which Trina ate.

Jade: Because that's what normal people eat.

Beck: She had cereal and milk, not ... the other thing.

Beck: I also made condoms and sex toys.

Jade: So basically u had sex with all the Northridge girls.

Beck: What! No, I just made chips and salsa.

Beck: My last dish was Sikowitz from a can. Robbie enjoyed that dish.

Jade: YOU MADE OUR TEACHER FROM A CAN!

Beck: No! I made SOUP from a can.

Beck: Can you turn autocorrect off?

Jade: No.

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**A/N: Hers keep getting better while mine get weaker! I have to ask for her secret...**


	8. IDK

Cat: Hi Tori!

Tori: Hi Cat.

Cat: What does IDK mean?

Tori: I don't know.

Cat: Oh.

Cat: I'll go ask someone else.

Cat: Bye!

Tori: ?

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**A/N: This was less an autocorrect and more a legit conversation you might have with Cat. That's nothing against her or Ariana Grande. When I was little, I wanted to play that board game _Sorry _but I couldn't read yet so I went to all my cousins and asked what it was called and they all just kept saying "Sorry" and—**

**_I'm_ sorry. ****That was a nonsense rant. Please review to keep my thoughts going in a single direction. :)**


	9. Freaky Midget Cow

Cat: Can we hav a sleepover? I wanna make another Freaky Midget Cow!

Tori: WHAT!

Cat: You kno! Those funny things!

Tori: I honestly have no idea.

Tori: Wait. Did u mean Funny Nugget Show?

Cat: Duh! What did u think I was stinking about?

Tori: Stinking?

Cat: No, silly! I wasn't talking about stinking. What gave you that idea?

Tori: ...

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**A/N: Almost to ten chapters! Yay. I really appreciate the nice reviews I've been getting. I promise we'll keep going. **


	10. Sexy

**A/N: Ten chapters! Hooray! Keep reviewing! :D**

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Jade: Why does Sick Warts never make any sense?

André: Ur right. It doesnt make any sense. What the heck is Sick Warts?

Jade: i meant soup.

André: What's wrong with soup?

Jade: No! I meant succulent!

André: im confused

Jade: *Saliva!

Jade: *Salutations!

Jade: *sexy

Jade: *stickshift

André: ...

Jade: *SIKOWITZ!

André: ohhhhhhh.

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**A/N: This was one of mine. It was fun to write. ^_^**

**Oh and guess what? I'm a Beta Reader now! That means, if you want, I can help you write your stories. Yay! You can find my Beta profile on my author profile. :)**


	11. Just Watching Moving Vans

Tori: Hey. U busy? I need help studying for the theatre history test.

Robbie: Srry. I'm going to go hang out with Cat.

Tori: DON'T PLAY PIRATES!

Robbie: We're not going to! She wants to watch moving vans.

Tori: Man, that girl gets weirder every day.

Robbie: I meant movies! What the Hut!?

Tori: *Face palm*

Robbie: heck! What the HECK! Not huts! My phone is so doghouse!

Tori: What?

Robbie: *dumb. why do I even bother?

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**A/N: I can't tell you how great it is for us to read your reviews. This has more reviews than any of my other stories. Keep it up! We love it. :)**


	12. Don't Pretend it's so Farfetched

**A/N: Just quickly, did anyone happen to go on TheSlap and see Cat's autocorrected status update? Lol. You should if you haven't. We had a good laugh about it. ;D**

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Tori: Hey, sexy. :)

Trina: Ew. We're SISTERS, tori.

Tori: Omg, no. I meant "Sister"

Trina: listen, i understand that i am verrrrry hard to resist but there r so many things wrong with flirting with ur own sister.

Tori: i told u! I meant sister! Y would i call u sexy?

Trina: dont pretend its so farfetched.

Tori: -_-

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**A/N: Uhm, I was thinking, would you guys like it if we did some chapters with the iCarly characters instead of the Victorious ones? Or...in each chapter we could do one conversation from each show. One thing about that is it would mean slightly slower updates. Also, should we start naming the chapters?**

**Sorry about that big block of questioning. Just please tell us what you think in a review. :)**


	13. Do I Detect a Note of Jitterbug?

Tori: Heyyy

Jade: Yes...?

Tori: Cat was just wondering if u would help her with screwing Beck for his b-day.

Jade: WHAT!?

Tori: Omg, no. I meant surprising.

Jade: I would hope so. For ur sake and Cat's

Tori: Do I detect a note of jitterbug?

Jade: wtf?

Tori: *jealousy. Awkward...

...

Tori: Jade?

Tori: u still there?

Tori: did ur phone die or something?

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**A/N: I was dying to post this last night after the other one. What'd you think?** **:)**

**Also, there seemed to be a couple of you interested in iCarly autocorrects. We're still debating. I might just do another story for it. (Somebody suggested that) Unless of course, you'd like us to put it in here. (The iCarly characters won't text the Victorious characters. Just wanted that clear.)**


	14. He's the Remorseless Dolphin

**A/N: We have like, sixty reviews! I know that's not that many compared to other stories but for us, HUGEEEE DEAL! This is the most reviews any of my stories have ever gotten. **

**Oh yeah, this one's a two-parter.**

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Trina: I have a date tonight!

Cat: Ooh! With who?

Trina: Jake, he's an Awkward model

Cat: Why is he awkward?

Trina: *Abercrombie. Seriously, he's the remorseless dolphin.

Cat: What's a remorseless dolphin?

Trina: *Realio Dealio. I know because it's his applesauce on the bag.

Cat: I love applesauce. One time, my brother put applesauce in my pillow, and it felt soo comfy and smelled really good!

Trina: *abs. I have to go.

Cat: Have fun with Jake the Awkward remorseless dolphin and his bag of applesauce!

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Unknown: Hey, babe!

Cat: Hiiii!

Unknown: I got the realsextape!

Cat: Yay!

Cat: Wait, what's that?

Unknown: I meant reservation.

Cat: Who is this? Robbie?

Unknown: I'm not Robbie, I'm your wildest dreams, baby girl.

Cat: :(

Unknown: Can't wait to see u tonight :)

Cat: Uh, wrong number?

Unknown: Wait, this isn't Trina?

Cat: No, its me, Cat.

Cat: Hello?

Cat: Are you there?

Cat: HELLO?

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**A/N: I wish I'd come up with this. My friend is a genius. **

**By the way, I've received many reviews asking who Tori was wet for in chapter 5. Guys...I honestly don't know. It was just supposed to be one of those random, unanswered things that weird you out and make you laugh. I didn't think of anyone in particular when I wrote it. Sorry for confusing you.**

**So yeah. Anyways, please keep reviewing. We had a little text party this morning when we saw the sixty reviews. You guys make us very happy! **

**:D**


	15. I'm Done With Thugs!

******A/N: This is seriously unreal to us. I realize it's only, what? Seventy reviews or so? But for us, that is a HUGE deal. We've both only been on here for a couple months. This is the most reviews either of us have ever gotten. **

******So please, keep following, and favoriting, and reviewing. It makes for two very happy writers. ;D**

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Tori: What channel is PornView?

Jade: Gross, Vega. I rlly did NOT need 2 hear about ur porn needs.

Tori: I meant *pay per view.

Jade: and ur asking me walnuts?

Tori: walnuts?

Jade: *why

Tori: cuz I knew it would bother u. :P

Jade: Go bang someone else!

Tori: ...

Jade: *bug! Autocorrect surges!

Jade: *Sucks! I'm done with thugs.

Jade: ugh, really!? *this. Screw u, tori. This is ur fault.

Tori: What just happened?

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**A/N: N****ow, I have to say something very serious.**

**Ok, as you may or may not already know, Victorious is ending. It does not get the fourth season we'd all been anticipating. I'm devastated. ****I don't think I've ever gotten into something as much as I've gotten into Victorious. **

**I just hope that people still read and write fanfictions for it after it's done. I know I will. I'm also very excited for the iCarly/Victorious spinoff that's right now being called "Sam and Cat." (Although it has no Liz in it. :/) Knowing me, I'll probably be on here next year or so writing stories for that, too.**


	16. Feeding My Toe Nail Polish

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a while! Believe it or not, I seem to be even busier during summer. I have two new chapters to post today though! :) **

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Robbie: Hey man, can u do me a flavor?

André: sure...

Robbie: I really need to get my get my titties waxed.

André: why me? I don't do good with feminine problems. Can't u call tori or something?

Robbie: I just want help feeding my ToeNailPolish.

André: See? This is the kind of thing you'd ask a girl. Altho, for this one, u might wanna try Cat.

Robbie: is it a crime for a guy to want to get his turtle fixed?

André: What do I look like to u? A vagina?

Robbie: u kno what? I'm not THAT innocent. I know that you look NOTHING like a vagina!

André: I meant veterinarian. Sorry dude.

Robbie: can u please just cum fix my television?

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**A/N: I hope you guys caught that "cum" joke a the end there. ;D**

**Now I just have a few announcements. :)**

**One: I'm raising this to an M rating. Only because I'm paranoid and don't want to get reported for the suggestive language. **

**Two: This is going to become a crossover. I'm doing the iCarly autocorrects in this story because it's the most popular story I've published and I feel like more people will see it if it's a part of this. The next chapter is going to be iCarly. Hope you like it! Another one of my friends helped me write it.**


	17. Closet Issues

**A/N: I know I didn't post this when I promised. Sorry! I know the "I've been busy" excuse is WAAAAAYYY overused but...it's the truth. :/ Anyway...this is the first iCarly one. Yay!**

**Also, I changed the rating the rating back to T. It's not like this is THAT dirty. I think I've cursed like, twice in here. And there's no graphic sex or anything either so...yeah.**

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Sam: ur closet is a mess. U should really hump the shower monster more often!

Carly: WHAAAAT! ? Just because I have no boyfriend and like to take abnormally long showers, DOESN'T mean I'm into kinky chiz like that!

Carly: and what do u mean by "closet?" are u HINTING at something? !

Sam: Chill out. I'm in ur room cuz I wanted to borrow a shiitake and it's a MESS in here.

Carly: I'm so confused...

Sam: omg, I meant bang ur shirts! Wtf is a shower monster? And not SHIITAKE. Again, I meant SHOWMEYOURBOOBIES.

Carly: O_o u have a lot to work out with your therapist, babe.

Carly: Also, maybe I'M not the one with closet issues...

Sam: *hang up your shirts *shamPOW

Carly: ...

Sam: Holy shirts. *SHIT

Carly: *backs away slowly*

Sam: I'M SO SexyAndIKnowIt.

Carly: *Hastily runs away as if being chased by wild dogs.*

Sam: I MEANT SORRY! Charles, please don't be scared.

Sam: *Curls

Sam: *Carlos

Sam: *Carls

Sam: Hello?

Sam: Are u there?

Sam: Did u really run away without ur pajamas?

Sam: *phone

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**A/N: Yeeaahhh...this was a weird one. I wrote it late at night with the help of our friend who goes by the username QuailBibble. :) hope you enjoyed! As always, please review!**

**(Also, if you've just found this story, please don't review just the latest chapter. Every review counts so please submit one for the others!)**

**(Well, I mean, you don't HAVE TO...but it would just make us feel good to know which chapters were more popular than others so we can figure out what to do in our new chapters. Soo, uh, let's make a deal. Along with reviewing the latest chapter, how about you review on any chapters you feel strongly about. Good or bad, let us know.) **


	18. Pasta Farts

**A/N: I'm back! Yay! I had some late-night inspiration for this. Hopefully it might break the 100-review mark. Enjoy!**

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Carly: I can't believe Nevel had the nerve to attack us again.

Spencer: PENISBUTT!?

Carly: ok, EWWW

Spencer: What?

Carly: What do u mean, "what"!? Im not the one who said PENISBUTT

Spencer: what are you talking about!?

Spencer: i just wanted to clarify that it was Nevel PASTAFARTS

Carly: whats wrong with you?

Spencer: I DON'T UNDERSTAND! This is VAGINAPENISBOOBFACE!

Carly: do you even read what u type? O_o

Spencer: sorry...

* * *

**A/N: Have one more iCarly one to post. It's also about Nevel, sorry. **

**Ok, since I'm clearly unable to come up with anything good to say, I'm going to shut up now so I don't fall asleep before I post the next chapter. Just...uh...I don't know, review. **

**Or something like that.**


	19. Bite Me

**A/N: ok, I totally did not post this when I said I was gonna. Sorry!**

**I got some outside help on this one. I died when I first read it.**

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Sam: I really cant stand Nevel sometimes.

Freddie: I know. He's a real pain in the ass.

Sam: He pisses me off so much, I could just string that boy up and FUCK him so hard he pees himself.

Freddie: Excuse me?

Sam: What?

Freddie: Read what you wrote. O.o

Sam:OMIGOD NO ABSOLUTELY NO THAT IS AUTOCORRECT THAT WAS NOT ME I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT JUST HAPPENED NO OKAY NO NO NO NO NO.

Freddie: Calm your chiz, ok? That was pretty funny.

Sam: Bite me.

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**A/N: ****Why can't I come up with this stuff on my own?**

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed as much as I did!**

**Oh and, by the way. 101 REVIEWS!? You have made my life. THANKYOUTHANKYOU. **


	20. Call Me Maybe

**A/N: Dont worry, I'm not dead. I've actually been working on an original story so... Anyway, enjoy this update. I was going through my iPad and I found it. :)**

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Robbie: Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy...

André: Rob, we've been through this. Call Me Maybe is so overused. Just cut it out.

Robbie: but here's my numbness, so call me Sadey!

André: changing the lyrics doesn't help. Especially if they're not even good.

Robbie: what are u talking about!?

André: Dubstep, just read what u wrote.

Robbie: oops! *number *maybe. But why Dubstep?

André: Ugh, I meant, dude! My phone is so abbreviated sometimes.

Robbie: huh?

André: aggravating!

Robbie: Ha! In your face, Armando!

Robbie: *Alligator

Robbie: *Alexander II

Robbie: *Alakazam

Robbie: Ass

Robbie: ArfArfArf!

Robbie: For the love of GARBAGIO!

Robbie: *God Excuse me while I go fuck this phone against the wall

André: I'm just gonna go now...

Robbie: *throw

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**A/N: Feel free to leave your suggestions. I'm always open to new ideas. :)**


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